Hogwarts In Small Proportions
by Monkeystarz
Summary: Draco is watching a special object for his headmaser, what happened when Peeves decides to mess with it?:The Slytherins somehow were all wearing bikinis and were floating in a gigantic bathtub under the Great Hall.


A/N: This is completely pointless and I do not own any characters. Lol its just a little humor general thing.   
BTW I'm completely disregarding the small factor of book 6  

Albus Dumbledore was an extremely jolly and wise fellow, which was no secret to the wizarding world. He was also old; extremely old in fact, this too was no small factor anyone overlooked.

This old, jolly, and wise man also was a tad bit conniving and cruel, at last that's what a certain Draco Malfoy was thinking as he sat in an over-stuffed chair in his headmasters highly ornate office. In fact, he'd been in this over-stuffed chair upon the headmaster's request for nearly two hours now. Alone.

Many poor-thought out situations were crawling through Draco's mind, all but three included the very same over-stuffed chair he occupied being thrown at the lanky old man upon his entrance. That is if he ever did in fact enter his office. Draco was extremely putout, he had been summoned from a relaxing bath, rudely mind you, by two _female_ house-elves who had the gull to squawk and squeak at him while he was in fact _naked_. (A/N: Yummy.)

After wringing himself dry and dressing he then proceeded down to said office, using the well known password, and situating himself in an, what seemed at the time, very comfortable chair expecting to be there for a short time.

On both accounts he was extremely incorrect.

He sat glowering at each odd and completely un-identifiable object. His annoyed glance settled every now and then on a 7-foot antique clock that was a horrible shade of purple and orange, a terrible mix for anyone's taste, especially a Malfoy's.

Just as he was deciding it was time to go and the brass door behind slammed open, and causing Draco to whip his head around to the very same lanky old man that had filled his mind for the past two hours.

Albus Dumbledore glanced over the irritated form of Draco Malfoy with a small smile on his face. He then walked briskly over to his desk and sat himself upon a lumpy cushion. Or was it? No indeed it was an amazingly comfortable chair, just disguised to look horrible so as any visitors would immediately stray from it. He had found it quite amusing and so he'd transfigured a horribly over-stuffed and stiff chair and changed its appearance to look most inviting. Oh how he loved his small musings.

He once again glanced over at Draco and nodded in greeting, the young man in turn glowered at him, causing an even bigger smile to grace the old mans lips.

"Well Draco, I must say I did keep you waiting didn't I? However, I'm sure you found multiple ways to keep your time enjoyable, of that I'm sure. You being the clever boy you are."

Draco's glowering quickly enhanced to a very uninviting glare and decided best to not respond to this at all.

After a moment of this glare Dumbledore continued, "Well, let's began shall we, you must be dieing to know why you have been summoned am I correct?"

Much to Draco's distaste he found his head nod unconsciously to this. He made a mental note to kick himself later on.

"Well I daresay you will be extremely excited to hear this! I have decided to promote you Draco." He added a twinkle to his eye at the end of his sentence.

Draco tilted his head to an angle just a tad, 'Promote me?' he thought to himself, 'What on earth is going through this man's head, how can I be promoted?'.

As if Dumbledore could read his mind he continued, "I suppose that was not the correct terminology but all well, it's said now! I have in a possession a certain item I want you to hold on to for me, if you don't mind. It's extremely important and I feel you are the best person to trust it with."

A small rumble of pride shot through Draco and his spine stiffened in a very diplomatic way as he digested this information, "Go on." he encouraged.

"Well you see I have to leave on a temporary trip that will take some concentration that I would need to keep this possession going." He paused slightly and stood up walking over to a cabinet Draco must had missed in his scrutinizes. Opening it he withdrew a long and tall box, that should of overpowered the wiry man but Dumbledore held it as if it was light as a feather. He then dropped it on his desk with a thump.

Draco eyed the box slowly going through the possibilities of what it could be through his mind, ' is it a sword chest? No, it would not be that big I don't believe, unless of course it was a dragon sword then it could be.. No then this would be too small….'

Dumbledore cleared his throat catching Draco's attention, "Now, this is pretty much the essence of Hogwarts Draco. You will have to watch it as much as possible, taking your schoolwork into your Head's common room, do you understand?"

Draco nodded his head, this time intentionally, not really listening to a thing Dumbledore was rambling about.

"And this is very important, you can not touch a single thing do you understand? Nothing. You will upset the balance of Hogwarts if you even shift the tiniest part and……well we the consequences would be extremely confusing…."

"Ok ok, just what is it?" Draco was getting extremely impatient he wanted to take the thing and leave this stupid overly decorated room as soon as he could. He understood. Look but don't touch, yeah whatever.

Dumbledore nodded. "Do you swear to guard this with your life?"

Draco again nodded, in a very quick and small way.

Dumbledore smiled again and began to lift the lid off the box, "Now Draco this is called…."

Three hours later Draco found himself sitting on a couch in the heads common room staring at the offending object before him. Honestly this had to be the stupidest thing he had every send.

Dumbledore had made it sound like a gift from Merlin, but no. It was just… Just…. He was quite sure how to put it.

It wasn't what he expected however. In fact, if he had his way the thing would have been blown up by no, but all his spells had bounced off and destroyed other objects in the room.

Including Granger's bookcases. Whoops.

In fact half the entire common room had various holes and paper scattered everywhere. But he really didn't care.

He was too busy staring at the object in front of him.

At that very moment Head-girl, Hermione Granger stormed into the common room and stopped dead halfway through the portrait hole. Her eyes traveled around the room pausing here and there at the gigantic mess and then finally landed at the blonde boy who sat precariously on the edge of the once lovely couch.

She opened her mouth as if she was about to say something when she finally saw what Draco was staring at.

All the anger that had filled her dropped off as sheer enjoyment filled her eyes, oh the joy of life sometimes.

Walking closer to Draco she began to laugh, this made Draco look up and notice her.

"What in heavens name are you laughing at Granger?" he growled through clenched teeth.

"Oh Malfoy." She let out through a giggle, "…..might I…. how.. Why?" she stood up straighter her laughter coming to an end but an all-too gleeful smile still sprayed itself across her face, "Draco, might I inquire as to why you posses and are starring at a …a….." she trailed off hopelessly as she started to laugh once more.

"Shut up Granger." Draco turned his glaring to her daring her to say anything else.

But of course her being Hermione she had to finish her sentence. "..starring at a Hogwarts dollhouse?"

Draco winced as the words rolled off her tongue, "Well if you must know Dumbledore has charged me as it's guardian, not that it is any of your business Granger."

She walked over and sat down on the couch next to Draco inspecting the dollhouse, it was extremely detailed, in fact it looked like a small replica of Hogwarts in every way, even down to the staircases. However, the dollhouse was in fact, a dollhouse. Nothing moved and nothing seemed magical about it at all. "Why is Dumbledore having you watch this? It doesn't seem important at all."

"Exactly what I thought Granger, but even I have enough sense not to question Dumbledore's toy's or wishes. This just happens to be a sad combination of both that he charged me with."

Hermione nodded in understanding. Ever since Draco and her had been named Hogwarts Head's they had settled on a mutual agreement to be almost civil too each other, so far it had worked for the time, minus the whole him being transfigured into a squirrel once during her monthly's. She had been extremely upset about her lack of chocolate and he had eaten her last box, naturally he hadn't known she was on her period but after his night spent as a canary he had bought a calendar and mapped them out. She was scary after all.

"Did you try to destroy it?" she asked after a long moment of silence.

"Didn't work."

"Obviously."

"It was taunting me."

"Malfoy, it's an object. It can neither taunt nor mock."

"Whatever you say Granger, but this object can."

"I see."

Another silence ensued, then she asked, "How long are you suppose to watch it?"

"Until Dumbledore returns of course."

She bit back a harsh response and settled on a "and when would that be?"

"When he's back Granger, what's with the Spanish inquisition?"

"Just inquisitive."

"Obviously."

He turned his attention back to the dollhouse.

"Do you think it does anything special?"

"GRANGER! SHUT UP!"

Hermione huffed indignantly, "Well it is in OUR common room Draco! I want to know what it does! What did Dumbledore tell you?"

She was met with silence.

"Am I to assume you are not going to tell me what Dumbledore told you about his toy?"

And yet another silence.

"DRAC MALFOY IF YOU DO NOT TELL….." she trailed off as the 'toy ' before her started to glow a strange silver color, "Malfoy do you see that?"

"Yes."

"Is it supposed to do that?"

"I'm not positive."

They both watched as small, odd things began to happen to the Hogwarts replica. Small Polly-pocket sized people began to fill rooms and hallways, along with furniture and ghosts.

The same expression flitted across both Hermione and Malfoy as they looked into the small castle and into their miniature room where two figures sat staring at an even smaller Hogwarts replica.

"Granger, I think the dollhouse does something."

"Really Draco?" she said sarcastically as she turned to him and he noticed that mini-Hermione did the exact same movement.

"Oh wow. This is actually a little entertaining." He remarked as he watched a mini-ravenclaw pre-fect start to change in the pre-fects bathroom.

"Malfoy!" Hermione spat out instantly, "Stop looking at that!" Her head whipped back to the unchanging girl when she blurted out suddenly, "It really shouldn't show us this…"

Instantly the mini-ravenclaw had clothes back on and she was in the common room talking to other mini-ravenclaws.

Hermione and Draco looked at each other curiously, "Did.. did that castle just listen to me?"

Draco nodded his head slowly, "And it sped up time so the girl was dressed and in a common room…….I wonder….." A small smirk found itself on his lips and Hermione glanced at him with a worried look.

Draco looked through the castle and spotted the kitchen full of house elves, "Castle, I want the house-elves to finish dinner now." And to Draco's enjoyment the small elves moved extremely fast and soon dinner was ready.

Hermione glanced at a clock and looked at Draco, "It's too early for Dinner, now it will all go to waste!"

Draco gave her another smirk and looked back at the castle. "Make it be time for dinner, castle." And on queue the entire populations of Hogwarts, excluding the two heads, were in the Great hall eating and laughing merrily.

Hermione glanced back at the clock and gasped, "It sped up time here as well!" She stood up swiftly and grabbed Draco's arm pulling him up as well.

She flew through the portrait hole and down to the Great Hall and stopped dead in her tracks.

All the real inhabitants of Hogwarts were in the Great Hall, in the exact position they had been in as their mini's had.

"Oh my.." she breathed and looked at Draco. His face held the same expression and then broke into a genuine grin. "This is amazing!!!"

"Draco! We just wasted two hours of everyone's life how is this amazing?" She inquired hotly. "This is horrible we should not of done it! I wonder if we can undo it…"

With that said she ran back to the heads dormitory, with Draco on her heels.

"But Hermione don't you see we can skip tests! We can…this is just.. wow."

Hermione paused at the sound of her name passing his lips but quickly excused it as a small slip due to his merry attitude at the moment, "But don't you get it? Were changing how things are supposed to be! That castle must be how Dumbledore see's what we are doing all the time!"

Draco shrugged then as he leapt passed her into the common room and back to the castle. He watched his own mini mimic him at the exact same time, "I am a handsome one, aren't I?" he looked cheekily up at Hermione and she in turn glared at him.

Draco continued to look at the castle in thought, "I wonder if we ca see the future without actually affecting what's happening in the real castle, it seems to understand voice commands."

Hermione objected heartily, "what if it doesn't though and it changes the present?"

"Then I'll start small!" he responded glancing at her smugly and looking back at the dollhouse, "Castle, show us what Hermione Granger, and I Draco Malfoy will be doing exactly one hour from now, but do not effect our actual selves, just your little world."

At the completion of his sentence their miniature forms moved quickly and then stopped Hermione's mini was picking up books from the floor and using her wand to restore them as Draco sat exactly where he was starring at the mini-mini-Hogwarts.

Hermione gasped softly as she watched herself, "Wow." She said breathlessly.

"This is bloody brilliant" Draco breathed in a sigh.

"So this is why Dumbledore needed someone to watch it, so it didn't fall in the wrong hands I'm sure you could even tell somebody what to do and they would."

At that Draco smiled evilly, maybe he could, no he could not say that aloud in front of Hermione. "I wish the castle could read minds…" He said absently and thought about what he could of thought and the castle could do..

Suddenly Hermione screamed as she found herself standing in a rather revealing dress holding a whip, "DRACO MALFOY! Castle I demand you return me my old clothes this instant!" It did so.

Draco started laughing, hard; he clutched his gut trying to control himself.

"I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE WHY YOU WOULD BE THAT CRUEL!" She threw a pillow cushion at him in rage, " WHAT MADE YOU EVEN THINK THAT! HONESTLY!"

In all actuality, Draco had just wanted to embarrass her, and it had worked very well he thought to himself. She was blushing and her hair had frizzed up a bit more then normal, all in all she made an Ok looking pissed off Gryffendor.

Hermione finally calmed down a bit but still threw small objects at him whenever she thought about the dress again.

It was just a joke.

"I can't begin to imagine why Dumbledore would trust you with this, I mean all you would use it for is for your own needs."

Draco sat up straighter and gave her a nasty look as responded, "I will not! It was just a joke Granger don't get your panties in a twist, geeze. I was just experimenting."

"Which involved me with a whip."

He smiled at this but said nothing.

After awhile f sitting in another silence Hermione began to pick up her book and started to fix them, when the clock struck 8:00 exactly an hour form when Draco had asked the castle to show them she paused and looked at Draco, who in turn glanced at her.

"Did you do that on purpose? " he asked.

"No I had completely forgot about it."

"Oh."

"So did Dumbledore say anything about it, at all?"

"He said if I touched anything everything would be completely screwed up."

"Oh."

"We didn't really touch anything so it should be fine."

"Yes, I agree. Well why don't we get this room cleaned and then I'm going to go get ready for bed. After all this I'm exhausted."

He nodded reluctantly and after about an hour of cleaning they both headed off into their respective rooms.

Leaving the dollhouse by itself in the common room.

It was about midnight when Peeves decided he was bored. Extremely bored, and how else to cure boredom then to go and humiliate a certain head girl? He rubbed his palms together and floated through the walls until he found his way into the common room that her and the head boy shared.

Just as he was about to go into her room he glanced back and saw an old toy on their coffee table.

Fun.

He floated over and glanced at the dollhouse a small smile flickering over is ghostly features. They must have spent lots of time on this creation! He thought to himself, how better then to annoy those tow then to mess it all up?

With that he began to pick up little people and furniture distributing things all over the castle.

Oh how mad they would be!

Hermione cuddled herself deeper into the warm cushion she was lying against, as a chill swept through her room.

Sighing she opened her eyes drowsily and looked across form her to see a bird twittering there. Staring at her oddly.

She blinked a few times and tried to remember if she had closed her window, actually she also was trying to recall the last time she had saw her window, had it always been the length of her wall?

Grunting she sat up, or well attempted too, a heavy wait was lying across her body and she began to squirm, what was on her?

Trying yet again to get up she was met with the same failure and tried to position herself so that she could turn over. S she tried she collided into that warm cushion.

Wait.

Cushions were supposed to be soft, weren't they?

She reached her arms behind her and started to touch the 'cushion' and felt something that was not a pillowcase. In her current position she was unable to turn around and look so she used her hands as eyes.

Her fingers traced over lines of hardness and she let her arms go lower and lower until she..wait.. was that…

Her eyes widened.

She let out a small gasp, and quickly brought her arms back to her self. Her….rather.. Cold self….

She looked down and saw that she was not wearing a stitch of clothing, and from what she could tell, the man, which she had discovered was definitely not a cushion and very much male.

She gulped softly trying to remember what happened last night. No, she had not drunk anything, she never does…then what?

And more importantly who? Yet again she tried to turn around or escape but she couldn't.

She was trapped.

Suddenly she heard the person beside her grunt and felt a fluttering against her neck, which she identified as eyelashes.

There was silence for about a minute.

Draco was having the most wonderful dream.

He dreamed that a goddess was tracing him all over and he was extremely enjoying that angel's touch.

In fact he was quite positive it was almost real, but with a grunt he found himself waking up.

He opened his eyes and saw….a mass….of brown.

Brown hair to be exact. In fact he also found that his arms were wrapped around an extremely womanly form.

Startle he retracted his arms and sat up the exact time she did and the tow people glanced at each other and shrieked loudly.

On the other side of the castle a certain Professor Snape awoke and also began screaming like a little girl. His pajamas were nowhere to be seen and sleeping on a bookshelf in his birthday suit.

This was not the biggest problem however, a certain Draco Henchman was sitting on him, thankfully not in the nude, but he was however looking down at Snape as if he was a cookie.

Dear god.

He was going to be eaten.

In the Gryffendor common room Harry Potter found himself stuck in a chimney shoot.

Ron was nowhere to be found, and Ginny was bald.

All the Hufflepuffs were missing.

The Slytherins somehow were all wearing bikinis and were floating in a gigantic bathtub under the Great Hall.

Madam Hooch awoke with a broomstick in her nose, very painful indeed.

And Peeves was as content as a fly 

Hermione's mouth was wide in horror as she clutched the entire blanket all around her.

Draco in turn was hiding himself with a pillow as he looked all around him.

They were on the top of the astronomy tower; at least that is what he thought glancing around.

What exactly had happened?

He knew him and Granger did absolutely nothing, of that he was dead sure. Or at least he hoped, and prayed.

How in Merlin had they of gotten into this?

"Um….Malfoy I…"

Draco laughed dryly, "Granger if we get out of this without any scaring then I think we should be on a first name basis, I mean we did share a bed." He said sarcastically.

She huffed and drew as far away form him as the roof allowed.

"Do you think it had anything to do with the castle?" she wondered aloud as she glanced down bit back a cry. She'd always been afraid of heights.

"I'm guessing." He said softly glancing down himself in thought, had the castle done this on its own? He didn't know.

Hermione looked at him sharply, "You asked it to read minds!!" she said loudly!

He looked at her shrewdly, "Well then Granger I'm honored you wished for us to sleep together on a roof."

She blushed and shook her head in disagreement, "I did not do such a thing!"

"Well I certainly didn't!"

"Well you did imagine me as a dominatrix!" she shot back.

"IT WAS A JOKE!" he hollered in return.

They both fell silent.

"Well, could you summon for your broom or something?"

"Granger. I'm naked."

"Your point?"

He said nothing but met her eyes and looked down at the pillow that hid him from her and then looked away.

"Oh." She said and blushed," Well could you not sit side saddle?"

"Let me get this straight, you want me to steer a broom hold onto you and hold a pillow all at the same time? I'm a talented flyer Granger but no one is THAT talented."

"Oh." She squeaked blushing more.

"But if you lend me the sheet I could use it as a toga and fly down, change, and come back and get you with a change of clothes…." He trailed off at her shocked look.

"There is no way you taking the is blanket from me Draco Malfoy."

"Well then I am out of idea!"

She looked up at the sky and then sighed, "Ok…. If you umm.. if you promise not to peek! Turn around and.. and.." she was blushing so bright now he was sure she would glow.

"All right Granger I'm turning." He turned around slowly, distributing his pillow behind him.

She carefully took her sheet off and crouched down grabbing another pillow and covering as much as she could up, then tossed the sheet at Draco's feet.

He carefully picked it up without looking at her and dropped his pillow.

Hermione squeaked and quickly closed her eyes, Draco quirked a brow in her direction as he began to wrap the sheet around him. He then accio-d for his broom and it came sailing up.

"Don't forget to come back!" She called after him as he leapt on his broom and sailed down to a window.

Draco found his very own window and climbed on in, changing his clothes quickly; he then ran across the hall to Hermiones room and grabbed the clothes she had worn yesterday, seeing as they were all in a pile.

He then ran past the dollhouse and stopped.

Something was off.

He walked over to it and looked at all the rooms his eyes wide.

Everything had been rearranged. He found Harry stuck in a chimney and all the Hufflepuffs were crammed into closets. He also saw that Snape was under Goyle,"EW!" he screamed aloud as he noticed Snape was naked.

He kept looking around noticing how everything was wrong.

Oh dear.

He had messed up.

But who could of done this?

He then saw a perfectly happy Peeves floating around. "PEEVES!" he yelled loudly in irritation.

He had to fix this.

First, he needed Hermione.

He glanced up at the top of the Astronomy tower and blushed.

A perfectly naked Hermione stood there looking up at the sky in worry.

He grinned stupidly and suddenly felt very ashamed of himself.

Gulping he lifted his hand and picked up the naked Hermione plopping her on the bed and then picked up the bed settling it back in her empty room.

He then went to fixing everything else as Hermione emerged from her room fully dressed.

"Thank you" she said primly, her face still red.

He didn't say anything in return as he grabbed at Harry and plunked him on the Gryffendor common Room couch.

"So what happened?"

"Well I'm suspecting Peeves found the dollhouse and mixed everything up."

"Oh dear." She said softly and suppressed a giggle as Draco tossed about twenty Sytherins back on their rooms, all whom were wearing bikinis.

"Castle please make them wear their original sleep clothes," she said in the castles direction, immediately they were all in their same sleep ware.

Which was slightly alarming when Hermione glanced at Pansy who was now completely nude.

Draco blanched and looked away, a sick expression on his face, "Put clothes on Pansy" he said quickly.

She was then clothed.

Soon everything was back to normal and everybody was confused.

"Dumbledore is going to be terribly upset." Hermione said as Draco stood up stretching his legs, "Yes I suppose he is." He responded.

Hermione nodded her head then stopped her eyes widening in horror, "YOU SAW ME NAKED!" she screamed at him, objects hurling in his direction.

He dodged them all and said calmly, "Yes well you felt me naked!"

She stopped and looked down at her feet and mumbled something incoherently.

"What was that?"

"I thought you were a cushion at first..."

He laughed.

"I hope Dumbledore returns soon before anything else…"

Their common room door flew open as the headmaster waltzed in, "IO trust everything went well Draco?"

Draco gulped and nodded slightly, "everything is the same, sir."

"Ah. I have returned early, well obviously, I was slightly worried. You See Professor Snape owl'd me with a strange note about a cookie.."

Hermione coughed and then smiled brightly, "Oh well I think he was slipped an odd potion sir." She lied gracefully.

Draco looked at her thankfully and nodded to the professor.

"Very well then I'll just take this back and leave you too to sleep in on this lovely Saturday." With that he flicked his wand and him and the dollhouse were gone.

Draco and Hermione looked at each other for a very long time.

"Thank you Hermione."

"She nodded her head, "Your welcome Draco."

With that they both walked into their rooms and collapsed on their beds in fatigue.

A/n: So it was pretty much horrible. Pleas R and R and I'll love you forever! And umm.. yeah point out my mistakes please but be nice!!!!!


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